Wish

What I Wish I Had Known About Foster Care and Adoption in My Pastoral Ministry

I’ve been in pastoral ministry for more than two decades now. Along the way, God opened my family’s heart and home to foster care and adoption. We’ve loved children who came with nothing more than a few diapers and a onesie. We’ve sat with biological parents who wept through supervised visits. We’ve stood in courtrooms and prayed through reunifications and adoptions.

And while I’ve always preached the gospel and shepherded people with compassion, I sometimes wish I had known earlier what I know now about the world of foster care and adoption. If I had, I might have led differently. I might have equipped the church more intentionally. I might have walked alongside hurting families with greater understanding.

Here are a few lessons I wish I had learned sooner — maybe they’ll serve you as you shepherd your people:

Foster care is not just a government program; it’s a mission field.

I once thought of foster care as something “other people” did, or as a niche ministry. What I see now is that every child who enters the system represents both brokenness and opportunity. Brokenness because sin has fractured a family. Opportunity because the gospel can be displayed in tangible ways through the church.

Foster Families need more than applause — they need support.

When families in my congregation first opened their homes, I clapped for them and prayed for them. That’s good, but not enough. What they really needed was meals, babysitting, encouragement, and people who would walk with them in the long nights of trauma care.

Children in foster care are not “projects” — they are image-bearers.

I confess that in my early years, I viewed foster care and adoption almost transactionally; a child needed a home, and someone could provide one. But every child is more than a placement. They carry loss, identity questions, wounds, and hopes. They are not disposable. They are meant to be placed in love, not just housed in a room.

Trauma shapes children more than I realized.

I didn’t fully understand trauma’s effect on behavior, trust, and development. I wrongly assumed discipline alone would fix certain struggles. Now I know that safety, consistency, and patient love are often the most spiritual things we can give a child.

The church can make a difference if it steps into this crisis.

For years, I assumed foster care was outside the scope of church ministry. But the truth is, the early church was known for rescuing and raising abandoned children. Our churches today can reclaim that calling. This isn’t social work. It’s gospel work.

I can’t go back and redo the early years of my pastoral ministry. But I can pass along these lessons to you. Foster care isn’t easy. Adoption isn’t simple. But it is worth it.