How to Find Good in Respite Care

Amanda and I didn’t start out thinking we’d ever be the kind of people who did respite. Honestly, we assumed that was for other families, you know, people with more margin, more energy, fewer kids, and way better schedules than ours. We were already tired just keeping our own house running. The idea of adding someone else’s needs into that mix felt… unrealistic.

But something interesting happened along the way. Some of the most meaningful ministry we’ve ever been part of happened around our dinner table. It happened on ordinary nights, with ordinary routines, when kids who just needed a safe place for a night or a weekend came into our home.

Sometimes it was planned weeks in advance. Sometimes it was last-minute and messy. But it was always relational. And here’s what surprised us most: providing respite didn’t wear us out the way we expected. Instead, it reminded us why community matters so much in foster care. It reminded us that this calling was never designed to be carried by one family alone.

Every foster family eventually reaches the same moment. You’re exhausted. Your calendar is full. Your patience is thin. And what you really need is a trusted, safe break, not just a night off, but peace of mind.

That’s where good respite care matters. And finding it doesn’t have to feel overwhelming.

Start with a Local Church.

In my experience, the church is the best place to begin and often the safest. Healthy churches already understand screening, accountability, and trust. Many churches require volunteers and childcare workers to complete background checks, Live Scans, references, and training before serving. That infrastructure matters.

More than that, churches offer relational safety. You’re not handing your children to strangers; you’re building community with people who already value children, consistency, and care.

If your church doesn’t have a formal foster care ministry, start small:

• Ask your pastor if there are foster or adoptive families already connected

• Look for vetted children’s ministry volunteers

• Begin conversations long before you need respite

Respite works best when it grows out of a relationship, not desperation.

Use Your Foster Agency.

Most agencies maintain a list of approved respite providers who have already completed background checks, home inspections, and required training. Ask your caseworker to see if they have an approved list.

Just a caveat: don’t assume every option is a good fit; approval doesn’t guarantee compatibility, but it’s a solid starting point.

Think Community, Not Convenience.

Good respite care is rarely last-minute. The safest families plan ahead by slowly building a circle of support: Trusted friends, other foster families, and Church members who spend time with your kids regularly.

Let respite begin with shared meals, playdates, and short visits. Trust is built over time, not during emergencies.

Watch How They Handle Trauma, Not Just Logistics.

Ask better questions:

• How do they respond to meltdowns?

• Are they calm under stress?

• Do they listen more than they correct?

Good respite care isn’t just about supervision; it’s about emotional safety.

Remember: Needing Respite Is Not Failure.

It’s stewardship. Healthy foster families last longer because they rest wisely. Respite isn’t quitting, it’s refueling so you can keep showing up with compassion and clarity.

You were never meant to do this alone. And when the church steps into its role, respite becomes more than a break; it becomes a shared mission.