Handling My Emotions

A foster parent friend in San Diego put it to me this way: “Everything changes, but nothing changes.” The case can shift overnight. The family situation can turn upside down. The future you thought was settled suddenly feels uncertain. But the child’s needs don’t change. They still need love. They still need care. They still need their diaper changed, their lunch packed, their bedtime story read. That tension between the... and the simple daily needs of a child creates an emotional weight that foster families must learn to carry. The question is, how do you regulate your emotions so you can give a child what they need without being consumed by everything else?

Here are some guiding principles to help:

Stay Present.

The case may change tomorrow, but today your child needs you. Worrying about court dates, family visits, or caseworker updates won’t change the present moment. Focus on loving well today, one meal, one hug, one bedtime prayer at a time.

Lean on Community.

Don’t carry the weight alone. Foster care was never meant to be a solo journey. Other foster families, church members, and trusted friends can help shoulder the load when the emotions feel too heavy. They may not be able to change the case, but they can listen, pray, and remind you of what’s true. Sometimes the most healing words are simple: “You’re not crazy for feeling this way. I’ve felt it too.” That kind of solidarity steadies your heart and keeps you from believing you’re the only one struggling. God designed community to be a safeguard for weary souls.

Resist Futility.

When case plans drag on or outcomes feel unfair, it’s easy to sink into a “what’s the point?” mindset. That sense of futility will drain your hope and your ability to love well in the present. Remember, you may not be able to change the whole system, but you can change the atmosphere of your home. Your steady presence, even in small daily acts of love, matters more than you realize.

Guard Your Inputs and Outputs.

It’s easy to let every update about the case shake your peace. The more you dwell on what you can’t control, the more it controls you. Ask the questions you need to ask, but don’t let your mind replay them on an endless loop. One practical help we’ve found is limiting how many times we have to retell the latest news. At first, Amanda and I felt like we were reliving the case every time someone asked for an update. Eventually, she started using a group chat—sharing one update at a time with everyone who needed to know. That small step protected our emotional space and gave us more strength to stay steady for our kids.

Stay Rooted in Prayer.

Prayer is where emotions are re-centered. The Psalms show us raw honesty before God, David poured out fear, anger, and confusion, but always found strength in God’s presence. Do the same. Bring your turmoil to God so you can bring peace to your child.

A Final Word.

Foster care is full of change, but the child’s need for love doesn’t change.

Regulating your emotions doesn’t mean pretending you don’t feel; it means keeping your feelings in the right place so you can give a child what they need most—stability and love.